Inspired by several polls, lists and tables of ludicrous, embarrassing and rude English place names, I have decided to compile a similar list for Poland. However, before we get down to the polski equivalents, let’s delve into the most bizarre English ones I have been able to unearth. The Mirror and The Telegraph both have wonderful ‘top tens’ but my personal favourites, my top ten, if you like, has been put together using other lists, place name websites, and a host of other wonderfully funny sources. Here are my British favourites: 10. Zeal Monachorum, Exeter. 9. Burton-le-Coggles, near Grantham. 8. Durdle Door, Dorset. 7. Wide Open, Newcastle upon Tyne. 6. Wetwang, near Bridlington. 5. Bullyhole Bottom, Monmouthshire. 4. Cuckoo’s Knob, Wiltshire. 3. Cocklick End, Lancashire. 2. Loose Bottom, East Sussex. 1. Dancing Dicks, Essex.
Give It to Me Here
Not sure that the Polish ones can match the British ones but let’s have a go. Many humourous British place names seem to revolve around the countless fun that can be had with sexual connotations – endless knobs, countless bottoms, the odd fanny and a splash of dick now and again make for japes all around. The funniest (or rather, strangest) Polish ones I have been able to find seem to revolve around odd word/phrase formations. I’ve also included my own personal gloss/translation of each place name just to help all of you non-Polish speaking souls. Here is the list (and just a sample of the fun you can have with place names): 10. Koce Schaby (Cat’s Chops), in the Province of Mazovia. 9. Zgniłocha (Rottenness), Warmia-Mazuria. 8. Biały Kał (White Faeces), Lower Silesia. 7. Krzywe Kolano (Bent Knee), Kuyavia-Pomerania. 6. Koniemłoty (Horses’ Hammers), Świętokrzyskie Province. 5. Kukuryki (Cock-a-doodle-doos), Lublin Province. 4. Kłopoty Stanisławy (Stanisława’s Problems), Podlasie Province. 3. Młynek Nieśwniński (Small non-pig-like Mill), Wielkopolska. 2. Jęczydół (Moaning Pit), Western Pomerania. 1. Gnaty Wieśnaty (Bumpkin Bones), Mazovia.
There are, of course, countless others and this list could go on ad infinitum but that’s where I leave the rest to you. If you have any more interesting ones, please let me know. All of these place names have their etymological, geographical reasoning and it’s always interesting seeing new ones.
Few people know that the Ottoman Empire (now Turkey) was the only major power to not recognise the Polish partitions and final dissolution of the state of Poland in 1795. What is more, Constantinople (now Istanbul) was the only capital city in the world to retain a Polish ambassador throughout the 123-year period during which Poland literally disappeared off the face of the map.
Czartoryski (with sons) - Founder of Adampol
With these conditions in place, it made it easy for a Polish community to be set up in the Ottoman Empire. After the failure of Poland’s November Uprising in 1831 against the Russian Empire, a group of Poles decided to escape to the generally pro-Polish and anti-Russian lands of the Ottoman Empire. It is at this point the wonderful story of the establishment of a Polish settlement in the Ottoman Empire (Turkey) begins. The village of Adampol (then known as Adamköy in Turkish, ‘the village of Adam’) was founded in 1842 by, and named after, Prince Adam Czartoryski, the head of the Polish National Uprising Government. The initial plan was to make Adamköy Poland’s most important emigration and expatriate hub after Paris. The plan was an ambitious one and was soon implemented by Czartoryski.
Adampol - Polish Colony in Turkey
Prince Czartoryski dispatched his aide Michał Czajkowski (who later converted to Islam and became Mehmet Sadık Paşa) to Turkey. He purchased a large forested area on which Adamköy was founded. It was initially settled by only a handful of people but quickly swelled after the end of the Crimean War and with emigrants from Siberia. Adamköy-Adampol’s population seemed relatively stable for a period of years. Following the end of the first World War and the re-establishment of Poland, however, many of its inhabitants decided to ‘return’ to Poland.
Polonezköy - Polish-Turkish Village
One might even claim that Adampol, now known as Polonezköy (Turkish ‘Polish village’) is a ‘Polish-themed’ village. Even though only one third of Polonezköy’s inhabitants are of Polish descent and of its 1,000 inhabitants only 40 people speak Polish, the head of the village is traditionally chosen from amongst the Polish community of Polonezköy. Unlike the ‘lost Polish tribe of Haiti’ (mentioned in a previous post), Polonezköy still retains a Polish flavour and due to its unique character has had the honour of hosting a variety of distinguished guests including Turkey’s national hero and President Atatürk (in 1937), the future Pope John XXIII (in 1941), Turkish President Kenan Evren as well as Polish Presidents Lech Wałęsa and Aleksander Kwaśniewski.
Nobody could have envisaged that the thirtieth anniversary of the birth of Solidarność (in August 1980) would turn into a farce and sound the death knell for Poland’s first trade union. It is fair to say that the anniversary celebrations symbolically, yet unintentionally, brought about the end of the heroic Solidarność of August 1980. The Janusz Śniadek-led politically-distorted Solidarity of 2010 has absolutely nothing in common with the Solidarity of 1980 that brought together people of varying views, opinions and political allegiances. Lech Wałęsa’s refusal to attend the celebrations was a clear cutting of the umbilical cord and demonstration of the fact that the legacy of Solidarity 1980 is to be found elsewhere, not in Solidarity 2010.
Tusk Called For Solidarity But Was Booed
What was shocking about the celebrations was the reception that Prime Minister Donald Tusk got from the trade union members. Tusk, a former Solidarity member and activist, was hissed and jeered at when he asked the audience what had happened to the old Solidarity which brought together religious people, atheists, opposition activists and communists alike all for the good of the country. There was no room for hate. To this the hall erupted in a chorus of whistles and boos. Likewise, President Komorowski was greeted with hostility. It was only when PiS head Jarosław Kaczyński took the stage that the hecklers finally settled down giving him rapturous round of applause.
Kaczyński Giving Tusk 'The Evils'
Why was Jarosław Kaczyński giving a speech in the first place? He neither espouses to the ideals of tolerance and solidarity nor was he an integral member of the original movement. His place at the anniversary celebrations was misplaced, misconceived and misguided. He had neither the authority not the right to stand up and talk about ‘solidarity’ with the views he holds. In his speech he talked about manipulation and lies whilst looking straight at PM Tusk. Unsurprisingly, he talked about his patriotic brother Lech Kaczyński who, he alleged, had struggled with Tadeusz Mazowiecki (Poland’s first non-communist post-war Prime Minister) and Bronisław Geremek (Minister of Foreign Affairs) who were ready to give up the fight.
Henryka Krzywonos Strikes Back
A hurt and shell-shocked Mazowiecki confronted Kaczyński afterwards telling him that what he had said was a complete pack of lies to which Kaczyński replied that he had a different view of what had happened. Mazowiecki retorted: “This has nothing to do with anyone’s views. It is about the facts and what happened. Gemerek’s no longer with us. How could you?! The facts are completely different”. However, what really rocked the celebrations was Henryka Krzywonos’ impromptu speech.
Henryka Krzywonos Saves The Day
The former Solidarity heroine and tram driver hit the headlines when she brought traffic to a standstill and initiated a Solidarity-led strike in August 1980 when she stopped her tram. After hearing Kaczyński and the jeers at Tusk, she ploughed into the audience and Jarosław Kaczyński claiming that the members of Solidarity had worked for the good of everyone and to boo at PM Tusk was simply out of order. As for Kaczyński, she said she did not know what had happened to him but he should stop stirring things up and let people get on with their lives. “It is you,” she said to Jarosław Kaczyński, “who is destroying Lech’s [Kaczyński] dignity”.
Solidarność began life as a movement fighting for the rights of workers. Sadly, this non-violent and tolerant institution, open for all, became embroiled in politics and has since become the lapdog of Kaczyński’s Law and Justice (PiS). As Henryka Krzywonos, one of the original signatories of the Solidarity Gdańsk Agreement (pol. Porozumienie Sierpniowe) said, “The name ‘Solidarity’ binds and obligates us”. It certainly does; solidarity obligates us to work together, in tolerance and openness with one another.
Jan Wróbel in a recent article in Wirtualna Polska talks about the ‘rydzykisation’ (pol. rydzykizacja) of not only Poland but surprisingly also of Civic Platform (PO). He is, of course, referring to Tadeusz Rydzyk the de facto head of catholic Radio Maryja and catholic TV station TV Trwam. He claims that although ‘rydze’ (pol. red pine mushrooms – a pun on the word Rydzyk) have been growing in the fields of Law and Justice (PiS) for quite some time, PO has now become infested. Wróbel believes the tide is turning. Many people were overjoyed when PiS was defeated in the parliamentary elections and the three-headed PiS-Samoobrona-LPR monster was resoundingly vanquished. However, the Smoleńsk tragedy changed all that and Law and Justice, like a phoenix from the flames, has returned and is ready to do battle.
Kaczyński - King of Conservatives
Civic Platform could have never expected the support with which millions of people endowed Lech Kaczyński following his death in Smolensk. In many ways, he is a martyr… a political martyr. His death has in many ways helped turn around the fortunes of both PiS and his brother Jarosław Kaczyński. Before his death, all polls were showing a landslide victory for Bronisław Komorowski against Lech Kaczyński. Following the tragedy, Jarosław Kaczyński was only several percentage points away from defeating Komorowski in the presidential campaign. Radio Maryja and TV Trwam helped in this campaign but the truth of the matter is that many people were simply fed up with PO’s promises, PR and politicking. They wanted more substance and Jarosław Kaczyński was the man to give it to them.
Palikot - the Real Demon
Even though Komorowski won, Civic Platform wants revenge. It wants revenge for all those weeks of post-Smolensk emotional turmoil, Kaczyński adulation and Kaczyński hero worship. It too needs its Rydzyk, a hate-filled character that can move mountains. Civic Platform has unleashed its biggest monster. PO has unleashed Janusz Palikot. Compared to him, Tadeusz Rydzyk is a cherub. When we talk about a rydzykisation of Polish politics, we are actually talking about a politics of negation, of antipathy and of hate. Rydzyk has perfected this to an art (to the benefit of PiS). Now PO, with all their talk of a politics of love, of positivity and cooperation, are doing the same with Palikot. Is he, as so many supporters of PiS believe, a harbinger of moral decay, or is he a sobering force in Poland’s emotional-driven political battleground?
I know it’s rather self-indulgent but who can blame me! I’d just like to tell you all that today, the 26th of July, is my birthday. Whoopee! And on this wonderful occasion, I’d just like to take the opportunity to thank all of you for reading this blog, for all your splendid comments (that are far superior to anything I attempt to regurgitate onto the ‘page’) and for ‘sticking’ with me, despite my thoughts, ideas and views. You have, officially, all made my day. Thanks! I hope you’re all having a wonderful summer.
Poland’s Smolensk tragedy has taken on ridiculous proportions. First of all, the Smolensk air crash seemed to have unified, albeit briefly, the entire Polish nation. Poland’s politicians joined hands in gestures of goodwill and to honour the dead; there was talk of a new ‘beginning’ in Polish politics. The world stood aghast as millions of Poles mourned the tragic death of their President, political and military elites. Law and Justice (PiS) leader Jarosław Kaczyński was said to be a ‘changed man’. However, little over three months after the crash and the squabbling, bickering and bile have returned with increased vehemence. PO (Civic Platform) and PiS are once again at loggerheads and Janusz Palikot and Jarosław Kaczyński have returned to their old ways.
"Is He Worthy Of Kings?"
The first ‘crack’ appeared when it was being decided where to bury Lech Kaczyński. A great deal of people were against the President being buried on the hallowed ground of the Royal Castle at Wawel but the decision to lay Kaczyński to rest at Wawel together with Poland’s kings seemed to be taken without consultation. The church said the family of the deceased had requested for Lech Kaczyński to be buried in Kraków, the family, on the other hand, said it was the church’s decision.
Kaczyński-Komorowski Go Head-To-Head
The presidential elections clearly showed the fault lines running through Polish politics and the country as a whole. Jarosław Kaczyński together with his PiS colleagues made great use of the Smolensk tragedy for political gain but despite an amazing upsurge in support and post-Smolensk emotion, the PO candidate Bronisław Komorowski won the presidential elections. This was the tipping point for many. Kaczyński dropped his mask of ‘niceness’ and returned to his usual politics of negativity and ‘finding the enemy’ immediately calling for an inquiry into the death of his brother.
Cross of Contention
Soon after winning the elections, Bronisław Komorowski declared that he wishes for the cross erected outside the Presidential Palace in Warsaw commemorating those who died in the Smolensk tragedy to be removed and placed elsewhere. PiS politicians and supporters of Radio Maryja together with an organisation known as the ’10 April Group’ (who have elevated Lech Kaczyński to almost holy man status) are up in arms.
The Master - Macierewicz
For those who do not believe in the seriousness of this division, it is enough to listen to the rhetoric of the ’10 April Group’, who believe Kaczyński to be a martyr and the words of Antoni ‘The Master’ Macierewicz, head of the recently-formed ‘Presidential Aircraft Crash Investigative Group’ made up entirely of PiS politicians. Macierewicz called the aircrash a “crime” which the “government were responsible for”. He also said that the work of the Investigative Group is the “most important activity we have ever undertaken in our life and is of major concern to all Polish people”. Mountains out of molehills?
If anyone had previously believed Poland was a secular state there is no doubt now that the opposite is true following the tragic Smolensk air crash. In some ways it was comforting to see the very public outpouring of grief after the disaster but what was striking were the religious overtones that accompanied the grief. Mourners spoke of the “need” to join in grief and the “duty” of every “real Polish, Catholic patriot” to say goodbye to the President. What was even more striking were the mourners who queued for up to eighteen hours to kneel and make the sign of the cross before the coffins of President Lech Kaczyński and Maria Kaczyński. To outsiders looking in, it would appear that tens of thousands of Polish people were saying farewell to a holy man, a saint perhaps.
The Virgin Mary's New Clothes
Now it seems that a piece of the Tupolev Tu-154 has taken on Holy Relic status. Inhabitants of Smolensk found a small piece of the plane and gifted it to Poland. Father Roman Majewski of the Jasna Góra Monastery, Poland’s most famous holy sanctuary, has said that this relic will become “a testament to the tragedy and a symbol of our love for our nation”. The tiny piece of the Tupolev Tu-154 will adorn the new ‘robes and crown’ of the Black Madonna of Częstochowa, Poland’s holiest relic. As well as the piece of the Tupolev, the Virgin Mary’s new robes, designed by Mariusz Drapikowski, will also contain fragments of meteorites found on the Moon, Mars and Mercury.
There are several ways to gauge a country’s level of development and civilisation. One of these ways is my own ‘State of the Public Toilets’ standard which I believe to be one of the more reliable measures. Take ten public toilets in Berlin, Warsaw and Vladivostok and, hey presto, you can be sure which of these countries will come top. Another measure is the state of the justice system and it is with this is mind that we turn our attention to Poland and a piece of news which I find truly mortifying.
The Sex Scandal Unfolds
The story begins in late 2006 when Aneta Krawczyk, a former member of Samoobrona, goes to the press with the shocking news that MPs Andrzej Lepper and Stanisław Łyżwiński have been taking advantage of their prominent positions in Samoobrona in order to procure sexual favours from young female members of the party. Aneta Krawczyk was one of the unfortunate victims of this abuse. It is at this point when the Polish justice system (and political system) begins its crusade primarily against Stanisław Łyżwiński. The seksafera begins.
Łyżwiński - Happier Times
August 2007. Stanisław Łyżwiński is arrested by police and thus begins the sad and slow demise of this former farmer and wannabe political bigwig at the hands of the Polish justice system. Prior to being, Łyżwiński was suffering from serious prostate problems and cancelled an operation as he did not want to be seen to be evading justice. It seems this was a grave mistake. Łyżwiński was under the impression that if his medical condition deteriorated, the prison authorities would see to it that he receives the necessary aid. He could not have been more wrong.
Łyżwiński - Cancer-ridden & Paralysed
After spending six months behind bars, former MP Łyżwiński’s condition does begin to deteriorate. Doctors unqualified to diagnose the prisoner (dentists included) continue to maintain he is well enough to attend his court hearings. In fact, Łyżwiński’s case was drawn out for over two years. Later, it appears that Stanisław Łyżwiński has advanced malignant cancer and, no doubt, is in terrible pain (this would explain his screaming as noted by fellow in-mates). However, every time doctors plead with the courts to give him specialist care, subsequent judges refuse Łyżwiński’s removal to an appropriate hospital.
Ziobro - the Ghost of Justice Past
Stanisław Łyżwiński is now in a wheelchair due to paralysis, the cancer has spread to his spine. He suffers from seizures and tremors and is often unable to articulate a single sentence due to the vast amount of pain medication he is taking. The question is not whether Stanisław Łyżwiński was guilty as charged – he was – but why a human being was made to suffer and why a fellow human was refused emergency medical treatment on numerous occasions? Some say that the Polish justice system is still within the grasp of Ziobroism, that is the right-wing hunger for vengeance (over compassion), revenge (over empathy) and justice (over tolerance). One hopes the case of former MP Stanisław Łyżwiński may change this.
Poland now firmly rests in the ‘western’ part of Europe. Not geographically but culturally. One of the surest signs of this is the pop idol worship that has spread through Poland like the bubonic plague. I have my own theories about ‘east’ and ‘west’. One factor is the effect and legacy of the Roman Empire. Former Roman Empire lands, I believe, can be counted amongst ‘western’ countries. Another is those lands which were hit by the bubonic plague I also see as ‘western’. Poland never was part of the Roman dominion nor was it effected by the plague.
Dancing with Death
A new plague is spreading: pop culture; and Poland is well and truly being ravaged by this new disease. Icons of the Virgin Mary have been replaced by new icons, new idols that Poland’s millions worship. In this way Poland has become like any other ‘western’ country: the USA, UK, France, Germany or Spain. The ‘idols’ create hype just because of the fact that they are famous. Many are famous simply for being famous. This is the Paris Hilton phenomenon. Below is a list of my personal anti-favourites; those who have risen to the crest of this wave of pop-idolness:
It occurred to me that it has been twenty years since Poland regained its freedom way back in 1989. Twenty years of ‘transformation’ (as Polish people like to call it) have fashioned the country that we now call Poland. I wonder whether everything that has happened over these twenty years is a consequence of the baggage of communism. Could some things have been avoided? Could Poland have taken a different route? Below is a list of (what I think to be) the most important events in Poland of the last twenty years (in chronological order):
Defining Moment?
Round Table Talks (5th April 1989) A constant bone of contention between Law and Justice (PiS) and Poland’s other political parties. This is the moment when the communists decide to sit down and discuss with Solidarity the future of Poland.
Rydzyk Radio (9th December 1991) Radio Maryja is founded in Toruń. After a mere three years this local Catholic radio station, the patron of which is controversial cleric Father Tadeusz Rydzyk, obtains a licence to broadcast nationally helping it later become the voice of right-wing Polish Catholicism.
War Upstairs (4th June 1992) Jan Olszewski’s weak minority government is toppled by President Lech Wałęsa who, fearing a backlash and possible coup d’etat following Antoni Macierewicz’s much-maligned Vetting Act, decides to put an end to the Olszewski-Kaczyński-Macierewicz madness.
Charitable Change?
Orchestrating Help (3rd January 1993) Jerzy Owsiak sets in motion what will later become the largest and most celebrated charitable event in Polish history. The very first Great Orchestra of Christmas Charity raised $1.5 million, an unprecedented sum in a country new to such events.
Russians Leave (17th September 1993) In what turns out to be a major coup for Lech Wałęsa and a welcome surprise for Poles, Russian President Boris Yeltsin agrees to the withdrawal of Soviet troops from Poland. In mid September, President Wałęsa bids farewell to the last of the Russian soldiers.
Poland Joins NATO (12th March 1999) Finally, after years of oppression, Polish people around the world breathe a sigh of relief when Minister of Foreign Affairs Bronisław Geremek signs Poland’s NATO membership agreement.
Changing Europe?
Poland Joins EU (1st May 2004) Democratic Left Alliance (SLD) leader and Prime Minister, Leszek Miller signs the paperwork in April 2003, the referendum takes place in June 2003 and within less than a year, Poland becomes a fully-fledged member of Europe’s finest club.
Death of Hope (2nd April 2005) The death of John Paul II marked the end of an era for many. During his papacy he travelled to more countries than any previous Vicar of Rome. For Poles, his death also marked the passing of their chief flag-bearer, spiritual leader and beacon of hope.
Poland Going Euro (18th April 2007) Much to the amazement of all concerned, Michel Platini, head of UEFA, announces that the joint bid by Poland and Ukraine to host the European Football Championships in 2012 is victorious. Poland’s future is looking brighter…
Soaring Higher?
Buzek Tops (14th July 2009) Former Polish Prime Minister takes the helm of the European Parliament becoming Poland’s first ever President of the European Parliament. Although not a particularly powerful post, it demonstrates Poland’s increasing influence in the EU.
It occurred to me that it has been over twenty years since Poland regained its freedom way back in 1989. Twenty years of ‘transformation’ (as Polish people like to call it) have fashioned the country that we now call Poland. I wonder whether everything that has happened over these twenty years is a consequence of the baggage of communism. Could some things have been avoided? Could Poland have taken a different route?
Some may argue that such questions are always futile and lead to nothing but frustration. I disagree. They may help us re-evaluate the reasons why certain decisions were taken, why leaders, politicians and media personalities did what they did, how this affected society, and how, in the future, we might be able to avoid some of the needless mistakes that were made.
Below is a list of (what I think to be) the most important events in Poland of the last twenty years (in chronological order):
Event No. 1: The Round Table Talks (5th April 1989)
A constant bone of contention between Law and Justice (PiS) and seemingly Poland’s other political parties. This was the moment when the communists decided to sit down and discuss with Solidarity the future of Poland.
Event No. 2: Rydzyk Radio (9th December 1991)
Radio Maryja is founded in Toruń. This local Catholic radio station, the patron of which is controversial cleric Father Tadeusz Rydzyk, obtains a licence to broadcast nationally three years after being founded later becoming the voice of right-wing Polish Catholicism.
Event No. 3: The Change Upstairs (4th June 1992)
Jan Olszewski’s weak minority government is toppled by President Lech Wałęsa who, fearing a backlash and possible coup d’etat following Antoni Macierewicz’s much-maligned Vetting Act, decides to put an end to the Olszewski-Kaczyński-Macierewicz madness.
Event No. 4: Orchestrating Help (3rd January 1993)
Jerzy Owsiak sets in motion what will later become the largest and most celebrated charitable event in Polish history. The very first Great Orchestra of Christmas Help raised $1.5 million, an unprecedented sum in a country new to such events.
Event No. 5: Russians Leave (17th September 1993)
What turned out to be one Lech Wałęsa’s major coups and much to the joyous surprise of the whole country, Russian President Boris Yelcyn agrees to the withdrawal of Soviet troops from Poland. In mid September, President Wałęsa bids farewell to the last of the Russian soldiers.
Event No. 6: Poland joins NATO (12th March 1999)
Finally, after years of oppression, Polish people around the world breathe a sigh of relief when Minister of Foreign Affairs Bronisław Geremek signs Poland’s NATO membership agreement.
Event No. 7: Poland joins the EU (1st May 2004)
Left Democratic Alliance (SLD) leader and Prime Minister, Leszek Miller signs the paperwork in April 2003, the referendum takes place in June 2003 and within less than a year, Poland becomes a fully-fledged member of Europe’s finest club.
Event No. 8: Death of Hope (2nd April 2005)
The death of John Paul II marked the end of an era for many. During his papacy he travelled to more countries than any previous Vicar of Rome. For Poles, his passing marked also the passing of their chief flag-bearer, spiritual leader and beacon of hope.
Event No. 9: Poland Going Euro (18th April 2007)
Much to the amazement of all concerned, Michel Platini, head of UEFA, announces that the joint bid by Poland and Ukraine to host the European Football Championships in 2012 is victorious. Poland’s future is looking brighter…
Event No. 10: Buzek Tops (14th July 2009)
Former Polish Prime Minister takes the helm of the European Parliament becoming Poland’s first ever President of the European Parliament. Although not a particularly powerful post, it demonstrates Poland’s increasing influence in the EU.
Posted by Raf Uzar 
