What would happen if we all became monkeys, eh? I’ve thought about this for a long time. In fact, it’s something that’s been on my mind since I was a young (and cheeky) schoolboy. Monkeys are of course my favourite animal. Our good old simian buddies are the one creature on this planet that make homo sapiens look good. What do I mean? Well if you’re in a crowd and you wanna look good what do you do? You go and stand next to the fat, ugly guy. Next to him you can’t look bad. Most people do the opposite. Anyway, by this perverted logic, our hairy, humanoid brothers make us look great.

So what would happen if we became monkeys? I’m not quite sure, but I think it’d be a good laugh. Swinging about on our way to work, throwing bananas at the people who annoy us (or biting their bums if they really piss us off) and generally clowning about rolling about from side to side. I’d quite happily do that all the time if I had half the chance, but I don’t think I’d find any simian sympathy in my fellow man.

I was (and still am) a massive fan of Monkey:!!

In the world before Monkey, primal chaos reigned. Heaven sought order, but the phoenix can fly only when it’s feathers are grown. The four worlds formed again and yet again, as endless aeons wheeled and passed. Time and the pure essences of Heaven all worked upon a certain rock, old as creation. It became magically fertile. The first egg was named “Thought”. Tathagata Buddha, the Father Buddha said “With our thoughts, we make the world”. Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch. From it came a stone monkey.

The nature of monkey was irrepressible!

That’s the spirit! Our ape friends are great. Take Ian Brown (of Stone Roses fame), for instance. The man is a primate pop hero – a statement I can verify after seeing him live in concert not too long ago in Warsaw. Monkey features abounded together with long simian arm-bending and of course his ape-brows. The man himself sang:

Caught in the middle
Next to me
I swim with the fishes
You come from the sea
The dolphins were monkeys
That didn’t like the land
Should I be walking the beach
I’ll be holding your hand

Monkeys, eh?

2 thoughts on “Apes

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